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+--- Thread: God absolves guilt over suicide (/showthread.php?tid=19910)
God absolves guilt over suicide - Iris - 07-30-2016
My family built or renovated and recently opened a hotel. Guests had arrived and reviews had been good. I was walking around the premises, inspecting the property, and walked up to the roof. I believe there was an enclosed public area with glass
sliding doors that opened onto a gravel terrace, open to the sky. Several people were there, talking with a young adult male in his late teens or early twenties, white, slim, with dark wavy hair. I approached the group and was alarmed to hear he was adamant about committing suicide and wanted everyone to leave him alone. I think he had tried to hang himself before the others came across him and got him down to help him. I talked to him as well and was unable to change his mind or to get him to agree to get help. The other people persuaded me to leave. I was still concerned about the young man and had the sense that as soon as I left he would try to commit suicide again, and I was concerned as well with the reputation of our hotel. Before I had even walked back through the glass door, the man had indeed hung himself.
I was sickened and very upset with myself, thinking that I was responsible as I had talked with him and had not dissuaded him from suicide. As I walked through the hotel I eventually made it to the ground floor and exited the building. The police had already arrived and they quickly removed the body. I was quite distraught and walked to church. Must have been Sunday as I recalled several masses were scheduled that day. Huge crowds of people were exiting the church, and I had difficulty walking through them. The crowds were similar in size to those at a baseball game; thousands of people; mostly white, primarily adults, with a few people in wheelchairs. The church building was like a basketball arena, with thousand of stadium chairs.
I proceeded past the stadium area and entered a room arranged as a classroom. I was carrying an empty plastic container that had previously held pastries; I was determined to drop it into a recycling container, but could not find one so I threw it into the plentiful trash cans (now more guilt!). I proceeded to the next room, and then the next, and realized mass would not be held for awhile, so I exited the building. I was seeking absolution and I wanted to talk to a priest, but could not find one. While outside, I ran into my friend, E., in a beautiful red dress, searching the crowds for someone. As we walked we were joined by our devoutly religious friend, V. After chatting for awhile, I finally broke down and told them what had happened. V. quoted Bible verses, and I told her I had no idea how to interpret what she had said. She said something to the effect that if God could not change the will of the child than how could he expect me to. I felt the burden of guilt leave me.
RE: God absolves guilt over suicide - Sunatta - 07-31-2016
Worry about my 18 year old kid, and the multitude of concussions he has had and those thoughts, depression and the like. Hope that the fish oil I have read about helps. Maybe that is why I sustained a whiplash injury in my car wreck, to empathize with his pain... ongoing headaches and try to help figure out how to help him.
RE: God absolves guilt over suicide - Iris - 08-01-2016
(07-31-2016, 12:11 PM)Sunatta Wrote: Worry about my 18 year old kid, and the multitude of concussions he has had and those thoughts, depression and the like. Hope that the fish oil I have read about helps. Maybe that is why I sustained a whiplash injury in my car wreck, to empathize with his pain... ongoing headaches and try to help figure out how to help him.
Prayers for you and your son, Sunatta, as you recover from these physical traumas.