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1st picture was of a blue jay or some kind of blue bird.
2nd picture was of an artichoke.
3rd picture was of a monarch butterfly. (there are a bunch of black and white faces with one face in color. These are doll faces though)
There were a lot of layers and other personal things to the dreams tonight. Seems like every 20 minutes i was waking up from another dream. Fighting between my family members, plotting family members. I kept turning away, and shutting people out. Over and over until there was no one to turn away from. I kept getting the feeling that my decisions were being controlled for me, if not out right, then by the use of the Chaos and the emotional disruptions of the relationships.
One very disturbing scene was of my brother who is still MIA, this too was in black and white so that may mean this already happened since it is not in color. My brother is in prison, by the way he looks this maybe when he did his time in Vacaville or Corcoran. He was given some thing by men in suites with scrubs and doctors coats over the suites. He was then put into a solitary confinement cell and speakers were pumping sounds into the room. There were other men in other cells that this was happening too.... a few of the men die, but my brother makes it out alive. Last he is given an implant in dental work.
My brother and I are now at home fighting and he is telling me all of this is real sis.... One again due to the rest of a chaos in my life right now, i turn my back on brother and i tell him i can not deal with this... he leaves and never comes back.
(This is not what happened in my waking life, but the level emotional guilt between this event and what i didn't do before my brother went MIA was disturbing and real enough that it made an impact on me.)
In another part of the dream my mother was calling me from my grandmothers house (my grandmother is dead) she was asking me all about what was going on in my life right now. I could mentally see my grandmothers house. All of a sudden I hear my sister in the back ground, and my sister and i are fighting (in real life we are fighting pretty hard because she called me a liar about being sexually abused by our father) then my mother says "Hold on i am answering you sister" knowing full well we are not getting along, and she is telling my sister everything i am doing or planning on doing. This is a complete betrayal.
Silencing the chaos.
In the end I ended up with no friends, no family, and I was getting rid of all of my stuff except the basic bare minimum that i needed to comfortably survive. What could I carry in my car if i needed to leave.
NOTE: Everything in the dream was in black and white (oddly enough) except the three pictures of the Blue Jay, Artichoke, & Monarch Butterfly. They were in color. My daughter and new boyfriend were not in the dream at all, this felt very much like cleaning up my past by throwing everything away... including throwing away the baby with the bath water.
2nd picture was of an artichoke.
3rd picture was of a monarch butterfly. (there are a bunch of black and white faces with one face in color. These are doll faces though)
There were a lot of layers and other personal things to the dreams tonight. Seems like every 20 minutes i was waking up from another dream. Fighting between my family members, plotting family members. I kept turning away, and shutting people out. Over and over until there was no one to turn away from. I kept getting the feeling that my decisions were being controlled for me, if not out right, then by the use of the Chaos and the emotional disruptions of the relationships.
One very disturbing scene was of my brother who is still MIA, this too was in black and white so that may mean this already happened since it is not in color. My brother is in prison, by the way he looks this maybe when he did his time in Vacaville or Corcoran. He was given some thing by men in suites with scrubs and doctors coats over the suites. He was then put into a solitary confinement cell and speakers were pumping sounds into the room. There were other men in other cells that this was happening too.... a few of the men die, but my brother makes it out alive. Last he is given an implant in dental work.
My brother and I are now at home fighting and he is telling me all of this is real sis.... One again due to the rest of a chaos in my life right now, i turn my back on brother and i tell him i can not deal with this... he leaves and never comes back.
(This is not what happened in my waking life, but the level emotional guilt between this event and what i didn't do before my brother went MIA was disturbing and real enough that it made an impact on me.)
In another part of the dream my mother was calling me from my grandmothers house (my grandmother is dead) she was asking me all about what was going on in my life right now. I could mentally see my grandmothers house. All of a sudden I hear my sister in the back ground, and my sister and i are fighting (in real life we are fighting pretty hard because she called me a liar about being sexually abused by our father) then my mother says "Hold on i am answering you sister" knowing full well we are not getting along, and she is telling my sister everything i am doing or planning on doing. This is a complete betrayal.
Silencing the chaos.
In the end I ended up with no friends, no family, and I was getting rid of all of my stuff except the basic bare minimum that i needed to comfortably survive. What could I carry in my car if i needed to leave.
NOTE: Everything in the dream was in black and white (oddly enough) except the three pictures of the Blue Jay, Artichoke, & Monarch Butterfly. They were in color. My daughter and new boyfriend were not in the dream at all, this felt very much like cleaning up my past by throwing everything away... including throwing away the baby with the bath water.