The world's largest diamond

[Jean-Claude Duclos]

I had this scheme to go to steal the world's largest diamond. Apparently some jungle tribe in Haiti had it, so I went to Haiti and when I got there, I had to bust this guy out of a prison because he was an expert jewel theif and I needed his help. I get to the prison, and it's this big fancy looking building with white stucco and red clay roof tiles and whatnot... It looks more like a rich person's villa than a prison. So I start climbing the side of it. Then I get to the top, look over, and see the jewel theif, looking at me from a window of a neighboring building and I was like, "Oh shit, I climbed the wrong building!" So I jumped over to the correct one, and got him out of there. We go into the jungle, and find the village where the diamond is. Apparently, the entire tribe went out to run some errands or something because the whole village is empty. So we just grab the diamond and run away. But when we're on the way to the boat that will take us home, some guy starts yelling at us to stop, and the guy gets caught, but I have the diamond, so I just get on the boat and start pushing it out to sea, then jump in. And as I'm sailing back to the US, it seems like the ocean is unusually crowded... There are people travelling on every possible method: boats, jetskis, swimming, submarines, etc. I decide to take a break at some island where there is a giant frat house with a party going on. I go inside, and the entire house is filled with protein powder, like, waist-deep. Everyone is drunk and riding sleds through the mounds of protein powder. It turns out that Tara Reid is at this party, so I pull her aside into an empty bedroom. We talk for a while, then I show her the diamond I had just stolen. She is impressed, so we make out.