Chat
04-30-2016, 03:32 PM
escholars, I am there with you on 'someone throwing out my own random memories for me to review', but (and I have thought long and hard on the mechanics behind it), if you were going to do this in a benign manner, wouldn't you be fair and show both good-and-bad? I mean, (and this is a self-review I address) why am I only seeing 'kind, gentle benign things'?
I was a 'rough kid' when young. I had the fast cars, the bad-boy mentality, the leather jacket, etc. My life read more like 'The Outsiders' than 'Harry Potter' or 'Peter Pan', and for every good 'second of time', there was an hour of bad, or a week of agony. In these visions, I am only seeing 'the absolute best, most-peaceful' moments - and I've already noticed, they are modified - sometimes significantly.
For example, I see my old car (70-Camaro), but I don't see any of the three bad wrecks it was in (the last one totalled it in a drag race). I don't see the hospital time. I don't see the nights of loneliness or drinking or fighting. I see fishing at a favorite creek. I don't see all the family that died, or even the few friends I had - I see my old coon-hound (RedTick, or English Red Tick as you might call him). I see the paint chip on my school locker door, and know there are crowds around me - but I don't see any people. I see places I went as a kid, but without fail, (even though I remember it well enough to remember who I was with at the time), the memory vision seems 'modified' and I am there alone in what I see.
it's like a 'manipulation'. Maybe it's meant to be kind, or peaceful, but without exception, I feel myself screaming inside 'BUT this isn't what it was really like then!' Often followed by me saying 'stop showing me that 'good 5-percent', be fair and accurate and show the other 95-percent.
I don't even see it as 'being unkind or unfair to myself', I'm really not trying to beat myself up in the visions, or the review of them - it's like I'm merely screaming inside, 'show fairness if you are going to review it, and stop cherry-picking' to find that one second I might have stopped and appreciated something as good amongst the horrors of the whole of that actual moment.
I don't know the meaning, and it is quite stressful. They aren't (whether it's the dreams, visions, or someone trying to offer solace) trying to be mean, or judgemental - quite the opposite, I feel like my past is being 'sold' to me as better than it was, and I guess I'm just not buying it. I remember it like a news video, instead of the rose-colored glasses that someone wants me to see it through - and the truth seems lost in translation, as a result.
I was a 'rough kid' when young. I had the fast cars, the bad-boy mentality, the leather jacket, etc. My life read more like 'The Outsiders' than 'Harry Potter' or 'Peter Pan', and for every good 'second of time', there was an hour of bad, or a week of agony. In these visions, I am only seeing 'the absolute best, most-peaceful' moments - and I've already noticed, they are modified - sometimes significantly.
For example, I see my old car (70-Camaro), but I don't see any of the three bad wrecks it was in (the last one totalled it in a drag race). I don't see the hospital time. I don't see the nights of loneliness or drinking or fighting. I see fishing at a favorite creek. I don't see all the family that died, or even the few friends I had - I see my old coon-hound (RedTick, or English Red Tick as you might call him). I see the paint chip on my school locker door, and know there are crowds around me - but I don't see any people. I see places I went as a kid, but without fail, (even though I remember it well enough to remember who I was with at the time), the memory vision seems 'modified' and I am there alone in what I see.
it's like a 'manipulation'. Maybe it's meant to be kind, or peaceful, but without exception, I feel myself screaming inside 'BUT this isn't what it was really like then!' Often followed by me saying 'stop showing me that 'good 5-percent', be fair and accurate and show the other 95-percent.
I don't even see it as 'being unkind or unfair to myself', I'm really not trying to beat myself up in the visions, or the review of them - it's like I'm merely screaming inside, 'show fairness if you are going to review it, and stop cherry-picking' to find that one second I might have stopped and appreciated something as good amongst the horrors of the whole of that actual moment.
I don't know the meaning, and it is quite stressful. They aren't (whether it's the dreams, visions, or someone trying to offer solace) trying to be mean, or judgemental - quite the opposite, I feel like my past is being 'sold' to me as better than it was, and I guess I'm just not buying it. I remember it like a news video, instead of the rose-colored glasses that someone wants me to see it through - and the truth seems lost in translation, as a result.