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12-15-2017, 05:47 AM
(This post was last modified: 12-15-2017, 05:52 AM by ThePaladin.)
Everyone in our lives is there for a purpose. Some lift us up, some tear us down. But-and this is very important to understand-they are all there to teach us the lessons we need to learn so we can grow on our paths. We have danced our dances with them over and over, throughout different lifetimes, and we will continue to dance our dances with them until we learn the lessons they are to teach us.
And even in the worst of dysfunction and abuse, there are gifts they give us in the lessons they teach us. When we shift out of our victim modes and start looking for those gifts, our lives change. In my case, I come from a very dysfunctional, emotionally and physically abusive background. I grew up blaming my parents for everything that was wrong with me(yeah, how helpful isthat? ). Then one day I came across an exercise where the instructions were to write my life story in two versions. The first version was to start "Once upon a time, the stork delivered a baby to the wrong house." Oh, that was easy. Nooo problemo, with that one. Then came the second version, to write my life story with the start of "Once upon a time, the stork delivered a baby to the right house." I'll admit that was tough. Took me a long time to write that one because I kept wondering how it was possible that my childhood-my crutch so I didn't have to do my own work-could be considered good? Yet as I struggled through that version I began to see something I had never noticed before: No matter what they did to me, no matter how bad it got, they never broke me. I never quit. I kept fighting and I was strong enough to fight back on behalf of my siblings, who didn't have my strength.
What really had me sitting up and taking notice, and was the start of a shift in my entire life, was realizing that if I hadn't learned how to fight, if I hadn't learned how to never quit no matter how bad things got, if I hadn't learned how to be strong, I would never have made it through my cancer. It would have been too easy to just lie down and die when I got my diagnosis of terminal cancer(Just in case you're wondering, I'm fine. I'm clean. No cancer in my body at all, according to the bone marrow biopsy I had earlier this year). That was the start of me changing my story from one of victim or survivor to one of a warrior.
It was at that point I could say with all honesty, "Thank you for the lessons you taught me. They were hard, and I didn't understand, but I do now. And I'm grateful." I began to see them from a different vantage point, that they were flawed, wounded people just trying to make it through the day as best they could. Sure, I still have pockets of anger towards them but I'm working through those, but when I could release the anger I had carried my entire life, I found compassion for them.
Personally, I think soulmates are vastly overrated. They may have a purpose in our lives but are they necessary? I don't think so. I have a soulmate but he's not the man I married and I'm very, very good with that because the man I married is perfect for me. I can't imagine my life without him in it, to be honest, and we've been together 40 years so far. So don't sweat not having your soulmate in your life. Be grateful for the lessons he taught you, have compassion for him, wish him well, and send him on his way.
Shoot, make a little ceremony out of saying goodbye and letting him go. Do it up, to demonstrate to yourself that you're strong enough to move on and ready for the next adventure.
Books...oy. I'm an avid reader and I've been led to many, many different teachers, all with something to teach me. But a good one to start with is "The 4 Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book changed my life. Seriously.
Oh, and another one is Eckart Tolle's "The New Earth." It's not easy reading but it's powerful.
And even in the worst of dysfunction and abuse, there are gifts they give us in the lessons they teach us. When we shift out of our victim modes and start looking for those gifts, our lives change. In my case, I come from a very dysfunctional, emotionally and physically abusive background. I grew up blaming my parents for everything that was wrong with me(yeah, how helpful isthat? ). Then one day I came across an exercise where the instructions were to write my life story in two versions. The first version was to start "Once upon a time, the stork delivered a baby to the wrong house." Oh, that was easy. Nooo problemo, with that one. Then came the second version, to write my life story with the start of "Once upon a time, the stork delivered a baby to the right house." I'll admit that was tough. Took me a long time to write that one because I kept wondering how it was possible that my childhood-my crutch so I didn't have to do my own work-could be considered good? Yet as I struggled through that version I began to see something I had never noticed before: No matter what they did to me, no matter how bad it got, they never broke me. I never quit. I kept fighting and I was strong enough to fight back on behalf of my siblings, who didn't have my strength.
What really had me sitting up and taking notice, and was the start of a shift in my entire life, was realizing that if I hadn't learned how to fight, if I hadn't learned how to never quit no matter how bad things got, if I hadn't learned how to be strong, I would never have made it through my cancer. It would have been too easy to just lie down and die when I got my diagnosis of terminal cancer(Just in case you're wondering, I'm fine. I'm clean. No cancer in my body at all, according to the bone marrow biopsy I had earlier this year). That was the start of me changing my story from one of victim or survivor to one of a warrior.
It was at that point I could say with all honesty, "Thank you for the lessons you taught me. They were hard, and I didn't understand, but I do now. And I'm grateful." I began to see them from a different vantage point, that they were flawed, wounded people just trying to make it through the day as best they could. Sure, I still have pockets of anger towards them but I'm working through those, but when I could release the anger I had carried my entire life, I found compassion for them.
Personally, I think soulmates are vastly overrated. They may have a purpose in our lives but are they necessary? I don't think so. I have a soulmate but he's not the man I married and I'm very, very good with that because the man I married is perfect for me. I can't imagine my life without him in it, to be honest, and we've been together 40 years so far. So don't sweat not having your soulmate in your life. Be grateful for the lessons he taught you, have compassion for him, wish him well, and send him on his way.
Shoot, make a little ceremony out of saying goodbye and letting him go. Do it up, to demonstrate to yourself that you're strong enough to move on and ready for the next adventure.
Books...oy. I'm an avid reader and I've been led to many, many different teachers, all with something to teach me. But a good one to start with is "The 4 Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book changed my life. Seriously.
Oh, and another one is Eckart Tolle's "The New Earth." It's not easy reading but it's powerful.